So, my friend Joe and I got into this habit of texting each other about our bowel movements. The simple goal of this endeavour is just to make each other laugh by describing our "duties" in amusing and outlandish ways. Below I offer you a sample of some:
"I just gave birth to Shaloob, The Great Worm (from Frank Hebert's Dune). I'm sure there a bunch of guys chasing it through the sewer right now trying to throw hooks in its back so they can ride it."
"I need to call Jeremy Wade for a special edition of River Monsters, I just let loose a Giant Mud Eel that he needs to catch, it is a record breaker. They can call it Toilet Monsters."
"Shore up that anal wall! We be taking on the stink water!"
"Someone spilled a glass of Nestle Quik in here!"
"I think I have a Starbucks in my intestines and the Mocha Frapachino Machine is busted and spewing all over the place."
"I think my Fecal Artery is pierced... it just isn't stopping."
"It's like someone emptied a jar of grape jelly up my ass in my sleep and it is working it's way back out now."
"It looks like someone stole all of Bob Ross' paints and he only had various shades of brown to work with on this canvas."
"I was like Hercules a second ago trying to hulk up on this brown hydra, but everytime I tore one of its heads off it grew two more."
"You mean you've never heard of the Brownlinnium Falcon? It made the Toilet Bowl run in under 2.3 parsecs!"
"I think a Brown Delorian just came out of me going 88 mph, it probably traveled back in time and is back inside my intestines already!"
That is all I can think of for now, enjoy.
