Communication and the Internet

Hello again readers, I may start blogging more often as I am really enjoying it. This particular entry I wanted to discuss slang, saying things inappropriately and communication as a whole.

I used to know this guy who was an asshole and while playing video games or discussing things that were “cool” he would frequently say “oh it’s the BALLS.” Well, most slang that anyone uses is usually through being around it and hearing it a lot. It’s natural. I start saying “bitch-hog” a lot and pretty soon “bitch-hog” is added to your vocabulary as well. One day I also called something “the balls” and my wife asked me why balls = cool and it made me think.
If ______ is cool, why would I call it “the balls”? Balls are not cool. They are squishy, vulnerable and not sexy (to me anyway). A heterosexual female or homosexual male could call something they like “the balls”, but for me as a heterosexual male why would I? I can barely tolerate my own balls, let alone anyone else’s balls. It would be more appropriate for me to call something I like “the tits,” since I am a heterosexual and I do think those are cool.

I also noticed recently that I inadvertently say things that are inappropriate to random people. For example, I called my dentist to ask if I should go ahead and start taking my medications prior to my appointment the following week. I explained that “I wanted to double check and make sure before I went ahead and blew my load with them.” Now, it seems like an ordinary thing to say in a casual conversation between friends. “Blowing your load” typically means you just go ahead and do X, Y or even Z. My wife uses the term a lot in casual conversation, you might say she is constantly “blowing her load.”  However, it was only afterward that I put the brakes on and realized that I had just discussed ejaculating to a strange woman at my dentist’s office. It suddenly occurred to me that this is something I do all the time. I’m a pretty friendly guy and I speak my mind almost always, I never noticed that what I respond with might not be socially acceptable.

Grocery Store Employee: Hi, how are you doing today?

Me: Well, I’m not drunk yet, so okay I guess.

It also probably isn’t okay when your server at a restaurant asks if you want something extra, say on your burger or etc, that you say no and call whatever was offered “filth.” I don’t recall where I was, but my wife and I were in a public place when I said perhaps a little too loudly that the crowdedness of this establishment was like a “hogshit menagerie.” Now, I’m not quite sure what a hogshit menagerie is, but it sounds real bad. It’s just a naturally offensive arrangement, like “dumb-shit asshole” or “insipid fuck-knob.”

Since getting married I’ve also become more aware of what I say as it relates to women. For example, I used to say “don’t be a pussy” to people, meaning I wanted them to toughen up and stop complaining. Well, it is scientifically proven that women have a higher pain tolerance than men, so being a proverbial “pussy” would be preferable to being a low threshold dude in agony. (Women having a higher tolerance for pain is not God’s way of saying “it’s OK to beat them.” Just need to clarify in case I have Christian readers.)

There’s also the issue of raised inflection toward the end of a sentence so that everything sounds like a question. Though guilty of doing it in the past, I find it absolutely deplorable and the practice is rampant on college campuses.

“I didn’t bring my book today? Hopefully we’re not going over anything in it?”

Are… are you asking me or telling me? I don’t know how to respond when people do this. My wife even got a voicemail for a job interview where the guy was doing it.
“We’d love for you to come in? for an interview? And I look forward to hearing from you?”

Okay….

Something else I have encountered a lot out here on the West Coast is people saying “pacific” in place of “specific.” Let me give an example.

“Well I pacifically remember it being different than what you are saying now.”

Or

“There was a pacific thing I was interested in.”

Since these people aren’t secretly whales, I assume they are, in fact, not discussing the Pacific Ocean. I don’t know how such a stupid mistake got started but it is awful and makes those saying it look like total morons.

Then there’s the power of assholes on the internet. It seems like you can’t go an hour without someone telling you to perform some sort of sexual act on them. Let me tell you a true story, it happened two nights ago.

My wife is sitting next to me, playing World of Warcraft, she gets into a randomly assembled group to go do a dungeon. Upon entering the dungeon, someone remarks “hey guys, there is a mount that drops from the last boss in here if you didn’t know.” Harmless enough right?

“Tell us something we don’t know you fuckin idiot.”

My wife, attempting to intervene, says “maybe you’re being a little harsh, they might be new to the game.”

“Why don’t you stfu and suck my dick!”

It then exploded into four different people telling one another to simultaneously “stfu” while also sucking their dicks. This sort of explosive, irrational anger is only possible thanks to the power of the internet. Where assholes can do and say whatever they want, to whomever they want without repercussions. Sometimes I wish I could kill people with my mind.

Then there’s stupid Facebook updates. Granted I’ve made a few that might be irrelevant, but for the most part I am trying to keep my family and immediate friends informed on what is going on with me. I can tell everyone only once, without having to do it to each individual. Did Brian get his tooth pulled? His Facebook says yes and it went fine. Easy, right? Now you don’t have to call me and ask while I am not paying attention.

But sometimes it just goes a little too far.

“What a delicious breakfast!” (Insert picture of food.) Here’s a newsflash, no one actually cares what you stuff down your gullet. Unless you’re making something especially unique, amazing, or special (like bacon waffles) it isn’t worth updating us on it. Cool story, I give not a fuck that you had a protein shake with some cereal.
“Goodnight everybody!” Wow, awesome. You’re going to sleep, again absolutely no one gives a shit. You’re just doing it in the hopes that the next day 8 people will be like “omg goodnight to you too! Sleep tight and stuff!” so you can feel special. You’re not, people go to sleep all the time and it isn’t a big deal. Just turn your computer off and go cry yourself to sleep already.

Then there’s internet smartguy who uses anecdotal evidence and doesn’t have credible sources to back anything he espouses as truth. Let me show you, the following is a real conversation between myself and someone else.

“I can honestly say that the hardest thing I've ever tried to do is give up drinking soda. The people who know me intimately are aware that I'm a terrible example of diabetic self-care, but not taking my insulin and always drinking soda are two different beasts. Does anyone have any advice for someone who's chronically addicted to caffeine and has little to no willpower?”

There were some helpful responses like:

“If you just need the caffeine and not the sugar, try black coffee.”

“When I was looking for a healthy replacement for my speed fix I found B12. It gives the same 'up' without the crash or negative side effects. At least as long as you eat something first and drink a lot of water..”

But then this asshole comes along:
Brian H. McLelland: Giant jugs of tea, green/chai/normal with aspartame.
Oh wait, that’s me, I meant this asshole:

Idiot Boy: aspartame is evil, man, stay away from that stuff. It's a neurotoxin. Drink SteaZ Energy Drinks. All natural. There's still a little sugar in it and lots of naturally occuring caffiene and vitamins.

Who was then backed up by a second idiot:

Idiot Girl: Aspartame really is super awful. And yes, soda is fucking hard to quit...I'm always "quitting soda". Also, steaz drinks are sooooper yummy! How is cane sugar for diabetes? I tend to gravitate towards beverages that are sweetened with cane sugar and/or honey that I could recommend if those are okay for you to ingest.

Okay, first of all, sugar, whether cane, raw or even honey are all the same. You don’t suggest “all natural cane sugar” to a diabetic, you might as well tell them to drink a jar of high fructose corn syrup. Fucking moron. But I couldn’t let this stand.

Brian H. McLelland: Aspartame is one of the most tested products EVER. It is perfectly safe for consumption. Do not believe the myths espoused by the scientifically ignorant.
Brian H. McLelland: My mother in law is a diabetic, diet sodas sweetened with aspartame or tea with aspartame are perfectly fine to drink with little to no negative impacts on blood sugars.
Also: http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/aspartame.asp
snopes.com: Aspartame -- Sweet Poison?

www.snopes.com

Is aspartame responsible for 'an epidemic of multiple sclerosis and lupus'?

See that? SNOPES, they debunk shit for a LIVING, I’m not talking out of my ass, I have CREDIBLE SOURCES ON MY SIDE.

Idiot Boy: So? Go ahead. Drink all the aspartame you want. There is a REASON there are so many sites up in arms about it. Until you have experienced an aspartame reaction first hand, you will never understand. There was no reason to insult other people's "opinions". I have no need to defend my own beliefs here.
Brian H. McLelland: Beliefs are not science. Instead of saying that you, personally, do not like aspartame, you offered your erroneous “opinion” as a scientific fact when you stated that it is a neurotoxin. I am not saying that you, personally, are ignorant. You are simply repeating information that is incorrect. Not quite so different from people insisting 20 years ago that Mountain Dew is somehow derived from anti-freeze. The information on offer from you is simply false.
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0955286394900329
ScienceDirect - The Journal of Nutritional Biochemistry : Aspartame consumption: lack of effects on.

www.sciencedirect.com

See that? That’s an article from the Journal of Nutritional Biochemistry explaining how aspartame has zero effect on neurological function!

Idiot Boy: (Picture that says “you’re going to have a bad time if you believe everything you read on the internet.”)
Brian H. McLelland: Yes, because the Journal of Nutritional Biochemistry is some quack on an Angelfire free webpage making things up.
"Oh god, logic and reason, quick, resort to internet memes!"
Idiot Boy: I sure hope ___ is getting a kick out of all this, because I'm having a great time. P.S.: An opinion can not be erroneous. That's why it's called an opinion. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opinion
Opinion - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

en.wikipedia.org

Hey look, the moron caught on and finally understands you can’t offer your dumbshit asshole opinion as fact without backing it up.

Brian H. McLelland: Debating semantics fails to change the fact that your statement was incorrect, nor does it lend credence to your argument. Please return with something more substantial than anecdotal evidence or internet memes. Also, your comment that "There is a REASON there are so many sites up in arms about it."
Just because many people believe something does not, in any universe, make it true. In order to facilitate evidence to this point I offer EVERY RELIGION IN THE WORLD.

This is my favorite part, where the person, at a loss to defend their stupidness attempts to reach a common ground.

Idiot Boy: Brian, you started out as being rude, condescending, and it did come across as a persona attack, therefore putting me on the defensive. This left me incapable of having a reasonable discussion. Any time emotions enter the fray a debate is immediately doomed, which is why I resorted to memes to lighten the mood for the rest of the poor souls who have been subjected to this pointless debate which you continue to prolong. Several people including myself have had palpable reactions to aspartame, but since it's not been proven by enough "medical science" that it is indeed the aspartame causing a problem, I have to go on what I have personally experienced as my own interpretation of the facts at hand. You clearly place no value in the beliefs, opinions, and personal experiences of others unless verified by an independent source, which, is your right and I commend you for it. By all means, continue to scrutinize the facts, because there is indeed lots of misinformation and propaganda out there, which was the one thing we can actually agree on and my apologies as that was not clearly conveyed in my original retort. One day I truly hope you will be directly shown the scientific proof you need to explain the mysteries of the universe. That's the best I can hope for you. Good luck, and may you one day be touched by his noodly appendages.

Yes, he just equated aspartame to being a mystery of the universe. If the world were run by assholes like this, every bit of anecdotal evidence would be on offer as true. Which means no one could have aspartame because one moron in Florida “had a bad reaction to it!”

I guess I fall into the category of being an asshole on the internet, but I like rhetoric and I love arguing. It's why I've become so fond of Cicero, because he loved that shit too.

(Cicero)

When I say anecdotal evidence I mean someone knew someone who experienced __________. This is not reliable, in court they call it “hearsay.”
So , if there is one thing you take away from this article it should be that you should never believe anything someone has to tell you without checking their source.

“Aspartame is a neurotoxin!”

“Organic food tastes better and is better for you! And it’s better for the environment!”

“I believe it therefore you HAVE to respect my beliefs even if they are wrong!”

All these statements are false. Keep your eyes open, the truth is out there.

Next week: SCIENCE!

Pedophiles don't make things I want.

Pedophiles. I don’t like them. I think child molestation is a heinous act that merits the most severe tortures and punishments. I’m not saying that children should be sheltered from sex. For instance, in the south east a chain of grocery stores, Publix, places plastic covers over the magazines in the checkout isle. Why? Because someone’s child might see some movie star/model’s tits, abs, muscled chest, whatever. We can’t risk having children finding out that people have sex and that they aren’t Immaculate Conception treasures carried down by angels in a giant white sled pulled by storks. But that is another blog, I am getting off track.

Now, in the past I have encountered people who say “oh I don’t care what the artist believes/does; I just like their art/product/stuff.” This isn’t a new concept, in the realm of literary theory, this is based on an idea put forth by Roland Barthes in his essay The Death of the Author. Barthes theorizes that the author should be completely removed from the work that they create. Time of production, authorial intent, authorial meaning, and authorial belief, everything about the author is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is what the reader thinks or what meaning the reader derives from the text, Barthes calls this the “Birth of the Reader.”  Literary theory is really dry and complicated but hang in there, I’m going to tie this all together.

I disagree with Barthes to an extent. One of my favorite authors is Clive Barker, who is gay. When I read his work I’m not going, “a GAY dude wrote this, how can I even relate?” It doesn’t ever enter the equation because I don’t care. It doesn’t impact his work at all, he can write a hetero character, a female character, anything, and it isn’t affected by the author’s personal preferences. Lovecraft was racist, doesn’t really bother me either because that wasn’t entirely uncommon in 1930’s New England.

The problem begins when you know someone is a pedophile. Ever seen the film Jeepers Creepers? If you have or haven’t watch this official trailer.

It’s a horror film about a flying demon monster thing that just so happens to also drive a big black rape wagon with a personalized license plate. It has been alive for a long ass time by eating specific parts of teenagers. So in the film, it SMELLS Justin Long and wants to EAT part of him. There are awkward scenes where the demon monster is smelling his face and licking his cheeks. This film is directed by a pedophile. Victor Salva directed Jeepers Creepers and is a convicted child molester. Go Bing it, you can find the information readily available anywhere. Prior to making this film he made another film called Powder. Yes, that Powder. The one where a pale albino (as opposed to tan albinos?) emerges from a cellar and has magic powers. He sees the world differently than everyone else, adults fear and reject him, but the children in the film understand him. He can only relate to young people and/or children and/or molestation bait. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW PEDOPHILES VIEW THE WORLD AND THEMSELVES. It’s only made worse to know the film was distributed by Disney.

On a side note, there is a girl on campus that I saw almost every day last semester who rode a child’s scooter while wearing a panda back pack and a Pikachu hat with multicolored hair poking out. I’m 90% sure she is an FBI agent trolling for pedophiles.

Now that you know Jeepers Creepers was directed by a pedophile, go watch the movie again and prepare to get weirded out. The scene where the Creeper’s lair has naked dead people stitched together all over the ceiling and walls? The scene at the end where a naked Justin Long is strung up by his arms with his eyes eaten out of his head? Fucked up, right?

Here’s another one. I see a lot of people who LOVE Alice in Wonderland. The live action one by Tim Burton, the animated one, the classic novel, makes no difference. Alice in Wonderland shit is EVERYWHERE. I was in Barnes and Noble not long ago browsing books, they have this really bad ass Classics Collection series they have started doing. It’s a leather bound, high quality copy of literary classics. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Jurassic Park/Lost World. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Jane Austen. Dracula. Frankenstein. But I noticed there was also one for Alice in Wonderland, brightly colored and sitting on a table remarkably close to the young adult section and the spot where they were was the one most depleted which means lots of people were buying it with its hot pink cover and crazy designs.

The problem, for me at least, arises from the fact that LEWIS CARROLL WAS A PEDOPHILE. Don’t believe me? Read his Wikipedia page here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_Carroll
Now the thing that is most readily available on that page is controversy. Nearly everything asserted about him are steeped in bitter controversy, primarily due to the fact that family members are fighting to disprove these things. After all who wants to be related to a pedophile? Even without conclusive evidence a few compelling facts remain:

Alice in Wonderland was written for a young girl, named Alice, who Carroll (Dodgson) had an affinity for.

He asked the girl’s family to take pictures of her nude. (This was a common practice at the time… FOR PHOTOGRAPHERS.)

Carroll’s personal diary has missing entries, removed by a person.

Also, here is a picture of Alice Liddell taken BY Carroll (Dodgson).

(Courtesy of wikipedia)

Now, some scholars dispute these claims, but the very fact that there is something to dispute speaks volumes. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Here’s another one, Gary Glitter. Don’t know the name? You probably know this:

It was featured pretty largely in Disney’s The Mighty Ducks, you know, that movie about YOUNG KIDS playing hockey. Glitter was arrested for making child pornography. He also frequented Cambodia and Thailand, two places famous for child prostitution. Kind of ruins the song, doesn’t it?

Jeffrey Jones is famous for his roles in Ferris Bueler’s Day Off, Beetlejuice, Sleepy Hollow and other films.

In 2002 he was arrested for soliciting a 14 year old boy to pose nude for sexually explicit photos.

There are others but this is kind of spiraling into a downer. Ultimately what I am saying is that I don’t want to purchase or consume anything written or created by a pedophile. In my mind the work is tainted.

It’s like tuna, when I buy tuna I make sure the can says “Dolphin Safe” because then I know there’s no dolphin in there. When I buy a book, a movie, an album, or a painting I want to know it is pedophile safe. Oh this book was written by someone who doesn’t rape kids, this is a good purchase and I am happy for my money to go towards supporting this person.

This blog was going to be funny, but I can’t really make this topic amusing. See you guys next week for something lighter.

The Journey to Education Part 2

Last week I ran my mouth off about the banking industry and my time working in it, the whole post was kind of a downer. This week I’ve decided to focus on my college experiences and some of the mind numbingly stupid things real people have said.

First of all, I value education. When I am sitting in a classroom I understand that I am paying this professor to teach me something. I am assuming this person knows what they are talking about because they have been studying the subject for many, many years. It is for this reason that I listen, try not to interrupt, and don’t second guess my professors. Not everyone seems to understand this.

For example, Core Humanities 201, I took this last semester, it consisted of a 50 minute lecture twice a week with a class discussion once a week. Easy enough, right? As an added bonus the professor giving the lecture was completely awesome. He kept it exciting and interesting, it was great. Except kids in the auditorium talking to each other, loudly, I had to resort to sitting up front so I could hear clearly. Then discussions were even worse. You were required to read the assigned materials prior to class and discussion, these readings were short, relevant and interesting. NO ONE DID THEM, EVER. Discussion class usually consisted of the TA asking a question relating to the day’s readings and, not to brag, but I knew the answer having done the readings, but I would slowly scan the room to see if anyone else was going to speak. There’s lanky jock dude, staring at the blackboard… there’s cheerleader girl pretending to write notes… this continued throughout the entire classroom. No one had anything to say because no one would read the shit! So in this discussion class of about 30 kids we were supposed to do brief presentations throughout the semester in small groups. The TA mentioned that last semester a group had done Jeopardy which resulted in 4-5 presentations THIS semester that were Jeopardy. I mercilessly trounced these kids in Jeopardy. My team won Every. Single. Time. The one that felt best was the Jeopardy presentation on the Bible, not only did I choose the categories, answer my own team’s question, but when the opposing team failed to answer theirs after a minute, I answered THEIRS too. Well, I couldn’t just let this whole event continue on without saying something so I mocked my team and the entire class. “Yeah don’t sweat it guys, let the ATHEIST answer all these BIBLE questions.”

Finally one day, a group of two made their presentation that wasn’t Jeopardy. It consisted of them sitting in the front of the class, reading from the book and ad-libbing an “informative” lecture. It was agonizing to sit through.

My favorite though was in Fall of ’11 I was taking a really awesome class called “Writing About Literature” from a fantastic professor. She knew the subject, was excellent at teaching, enthusiastic and encouraging. The problem is she was teaching it to a bunch of retards. First, there was Obvious Girl, who would usually just reiterate the title of whatever we were reading. So for example we’re going over a poem about seasons, namely, Autumn. The poem has Autumn in the title. The professor asked what people thought the poem was really about or what impressions it gave.

Obvious Girl: “Well the trees being barren of leaves makes me think that this is taking place during like… Autumn?”

You see the trend starting here? Flash forward to a few weeks later, discussing Kafka’s “Metamorphoses” short story…

Obvious Girl: “It seems like he is going through a big change, as if everything about him is transforming…” …LIKE A METAMORPHOSIS?

She did this with all of them, professor asks and her hand was the first one up.

Obvious Girl: “I feel like it is just really stormy and all the characters are tied into this storm and it is really magical.”

Know what that one is? Shakespeare’s The Tempest. This is all true, you can’t write shit this stupid and have the characters be believable.

Another thing is that this awesome professor made it clear at the start of the semester that she doesn’t care how something you read makes you feel only what you think about it. Meaning use your brains and figure it out, yet without fail every moron prefaced their thoughts with “I feel like…”

Do you read Frankenstein with your heart? Do you open a little chest compartment and just rub the book against your innards and you read it by osmosis? Sorry but over here in my seat, I read books with my eyeballs and process the information with my brain. I’m old fashioned that way.

Last semester I took an advanced non-fiction writing class. This is a 400 level English course, serious business. Well, people were called up to read their drafts which was extremely painful if, like me, you have low tolerances for stupid. Well I barely went to this class because A. hearing people read their shitty papers out loud doesn’t teach me anything and B. Peer reviewing people’s shitty papers doesn’t teach me anything either. The second paper assigned was a paper about a place you had been to and why the reader should or should not go there, easy right? I wrote mine about the Redwood National Forest, my peer review partner wrote hers about her dog. Now, I know that NOUNS can be confusing, since they can be A. person B. place or C. thing, but a dog is not a place. I didn’t bother explaining this to her because I’m an asshole and it isn’t my job to make sure everyone writes their paper on topic.

Two of the girls in the class in their papers decided to mention how they were in advanced English classes in high school, one of them was reading at a college level in middle school, wow no way! Have an A+ and a scholarship! But their work didn’t reflect this. One girl’s paper was about how a bad English teacher can ruin someone’s education but then she moved into another teacher’s class in high school and it was so much better! She learned so much more, she finally knew what a predicate is! Now, after a person finishes reading the rest of the class can make comments or ask questions, so as soon as she finished I raised my hand and was called upon. My question, you ask?

Me: “What is a predicate?”

Her: “…..I don’t know….”

Also in this class was The “Grad” Student, I had to peer review with him once where he ignored me while criticizing his fucking terrible paper. This is the same kid who boasted about how when he applied to the English graduate school they asked for a sample of his writing, “so I just gave’em my first novel… yep… my novel…” His three novels are all self-published online, anyone can do this. In addition, they just so happen to be the most insipid, uninspired piles of shit I’ve ever heard. I won’t repeat them to you here now because the ideas are too retarded to subject people to reading. So after acting like he is so cool for submitting a novel to the English grad school he finishes the story by telling everyone in earshot that they said he needed to take some more classes. Despite being, what is called a “Grad Special,” the professor and other students continued to call him “The Grad Kid” and “The Graduate Student.”

Let me give you a little diagram of why it is stupid for A. this kid to have an ego big enough to suffocate the air out of a classroom and B. everyone to play along with his ego trip.

You gave them a novel and they told you to take more classes, sorry son but this isn't a story you should go around repeating. It makes you look like a Downs Special instead of the shitty Grad Special you are.

So it comes down to the end of the semester for Advanced Non-Fiction Writing, the final assignment is: Write a persuasive paper that makes an argument. Present opposition to your argument, then refute it in your own words. Your topic must have opposition.

Pretty easy right? I chose circumcision! But other people chose such hot debates as: Tourette’s Syndrome (wait, what?), How I Got Raped Once by Oversharing Girl, I Cut Myself by Awkward Girl, Better Education Paper by Uneducated Girl, and Grad Special’s masterpiece, Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

First off, the paper about Tourette’s Syndrome was well written, but not the assignment. You should get an F, I don’t care how good the paper is, it isn’t what you were asked for. James T. Generic over there wrote his paper on dams, you know what has a lot of opposition and fulfilled the assignment? His boring ass paper about DAMS.

Getting raped is horrible, I don’t condone it, ever. I also don’t think women who are raped should have to hide the fact that it happened to them. However, a class room of strangers is not an appropriate place to discuss it. I get that you have tattoos, you paint, vegetarian and have ADHD but refuse to take medication because it might suppress your “creativity”, I get all that because you won’t shut the fuck up about yourself. I barely show up for class but I know more about you than the subject being taught. You should get an F.

Weird and Socially Awkward girl reads her paper about how cutting is a real disease and she only cuts to release the pain she is in. People don’t think it is a real problem but it is! She goes on to talk about how most people overreact and believe that cutting leads to suicide. Later in the paper she provides a high statistic that cutting does in fact lead to suicide. However, she DID fulfill the assignment even if her topic is stupid.

“My Dog is a Place” girl reads her paper about how she did so well in high school and how education is important. Children need to learn things. Mind you, while she is reading this her paper is displayed on a projector behind her. It’s awful, misspellings that MS Word doesn’t even know what to do with, terrible grammar, misuse of there/their/they’re. Ugh, I felt more embarrassed for her than anything.

Then we have Grad Special kid talking about his irritable bowel syndrome. I was not there for the day that he presented this jewel, but from what other students told me he frantically reworked the paper to have opposition involving western medicine versus eastern medicine. Either way, he should have gotten an F. People aren’t writing to government officials because of a horrific epidemic of shitpants going around.

 

College is fun, there are plenty of other incidents but that is enough for this week. Next Friday: Pedophiles!

See you then.

The Journey to Education Part 1

I am a college student, an older college student. You see, I started going to school in my early 20’s and sort of floundered around trying to figure out what I wanted to do with myself. The usual major switching, eventually I reached the conclusion that I would rather just hold down a normal job and make money. Money gets you Things.

I found a job working at a local call center that handled cell phone service for a major U.S. cell phone cArrier’s business cusTomers. These were cusTomers who got a deal on their phone through their job, or had a corporate phone and etc. Some of these were small, some were serious business major corporation CEOs and their families sort of thing. I had a feeling something was off when in order to work there I had to pass a drug test but not a background check. I passed with flying colors and started my training class. My first instructor would put on random instructional videos and then text on his phone, after a week and a half, he was fired. So we moved on to another instructor who would teach us something for an hour, then go outside to smoke and bullshit for an hour.

Basically, I didn’t learn much and spent a lot of time outside bullshitting. It was through this process that I discovered that I was a minority working here since I did not have a criminal record. Nearly every single one of my classmates had criminal records, usually drug related, but some were more serious such as embezzlement, theft, vandalism, and being retarded. Now stop and think about that for a second, these people were calling in to find out about their account information and providing personal information over the phone to CONVICTED FELONS and/or UNSAVORY, UNTRUSTWORTHY ASSHOLES. I’d offer to look up someone’s account based on their mobile number and confirm their identity using things like Date of Birth, passwords, or last 4 of their SSN (the rest was blanked out). Some of these customers would begin willingly offering me their ENTIRE SSN to look them up by. Anyhow, a lot of other bullshit happened there such as two people snorting crushed up vicodin in training class, people showing up for work on Meth, and arriving to find my usual desk was being used and there wasn’t a single spare headset in the building to use to even start working. I clocked in via my phone so I couldn’t even start earning money for doing nothing.

Eventually I got a job working at the call center for a major U.S. bank, I can’t tell you Which onE since I am reveaLing their intimate business practices.  I had to pass a background check to work there, but not a drug test. This was a surprisingLy efficient approach and while many of my co-workerS smoked absurd amounts of weed, none of them struck me as criminal types or meth users. Let me give you some inside inFormAtion about banks and the banking industRy in General. Here we gO. (Did you see what I did there?)

First of all, when your bank tells you they can’t do something, they are lying. Seriously. Remember that time you said “well why can’t you just stop my card from overdrawing my account?”

Canned response: “The infrastructure isn’t in place for us to do that and/or we don’t want to stop your card in case you have an emergency and need gas/Starbucks/burgers.”
This is a total bullshit lie, the bank can stop your debit card anytime they want to, they can stop you from overcharging your account by even one cent if so inclined. There are only a few transactions that are “up in the air” until processed such as transactions made as Credit instead of Debit. Credit means that the amount is subject to change, Red Lobster tells the bank that you spent 47.26 on your meal but the tip could inflate that price. Same with gas purchases where you hit Credit, the gas station asks the bank for approval for 1.00 and then submits the full amount when you’re done. They don’t stop you because they want you to overdraw your account. Canned response: “It isn’t the Bank’s responsibility to manage your account.” That is a total asshole line and I’m guilty of using it.

Secondly, most banks but especially the bank that I W.orked F.or used a marketing tactic known as “Cross-Selling,” this is where you sell someone who is already your customer another product. Most businesses do this, “iPod works great with iTunes!” You just got sold another Apple product. Even if you never make a purchase through the iTunes store you hold an inherent dollar value to Apple by installing and using that product, because for everyone one person who doesn’t make a purchase, three people probably will. Anyhow, when you call your bank and they tell you they are pulling up your account information and their “computers are so slow today!” or “your information is loading right now!” this is also bullshit probably 90% of the time. Maybe once every three hundred calls I’d get one that was slow to load, but most of the time your account is already up and loaded. The reason for the delay is they are flipping through your assets, transactions, opening your checks, and looking at where/how you spend your money. I’ll give you an example.

Mr. Fells Wargo calls in and I give him the line about his account loading slowly and ask how his day is going, time to go to work while he runs his mouth for a few seconds. He has a checking account, does he have a savings account too? Yes/No, refer him one! Does he make a lot of small purchases at Starbucks or other fast food places? Yes/No, get him the rewards program for check cards! Let me open this check written for over a thousand dollars, looks like it is going for his rent/mortgage/car payment, get him to refinance/renter’s insurance/car insurance/roadside assistance program! And what’s this, he is making regular payments on credit cards with other companies? Get him one through the bank and tell him to take a personal loan to consolidate the debt on those other cards! He got some overdraft fees last month, get him to open a second checking account, one for bills and one for pleasure! (My personal favorite since you’re convincing someone to get a second helping of something they can’t even manage one of.)

This customer has just been referred or “cross-sold” on at least 6-10 different products, all through his bank, how convenient! Wrong. The bank gives not half a shit about your convenience, peace of mind or financial stability. They want to make money off you through fees and services.

Not only was this business practice encouraged, it was mandatory. If you were not telling that grandmother surviving paycheck to paycheck in Omaha that she needed a credit card and to save money by refinancing her house, you were getting into trouble for it. It isn’t enough to just mention a product either, you were highly encouraged to “warm transfer” them to a “Personal Banker.” Which is fancytalk for stick you on hold, bring some asshole working on commissions from the Sales department on the line to convince you to buy more shit. And by “highly encouraged” I mean if you didn’t do a certain number of them per day, your boss called you into his cubicle.  There were “incentives” for doing this, you could earn EXTRA money for referring enough products! But the standards that you had to maintain in order to “Bonus” were impossible. Meaning, you may have just made the bank 100,000.00 dollars but your calls were 27 seconds over the average, ergo you don’t get your bonus money.

Now, how about fees? Overdraft fees, transfer fees, monthly service fees, excessive transfer fees! The canned response is “well when you overdraft your account, the bank is having to front that money for you, you’re basically taking an unauthorized loan.” How sweet, they’re doing you a favor, they spotted you 2.00 for that soda you bought in exchange for a 35.00 Overdraft Fee. Sounds fair! Now, when you ask for the fees to be taken off because you’re already struggling financially, all bank employees are trained and advised to offer you HALF of the fees back to see if you take that. If the person (like me) decides to go ahead and reverse all your fees, we get reprimanded and called into our boss or our boss’ boss’ office to be lectured about giving out too much credit. (As if we were giving away the bank’s money.) Here’s another one, when the bank tells you that they can’t reverse a fee because of A. the Federal Reserve or B. some other bullshit business practice/law this is entirely false. Fees go directly into the pocket of the bank, they can reverse them at will for any amount.

Now here is the salt in the wound, if you bank with the bank that I W.orked F.or, their processing order for paying out transactions, meaning your checks/debit/credit/withdrawals everything is thus:

1.       Deposits. (They need you to have money before they start paying things, as fun as it is to charge you fees they have to make sure you’re somewhat good for it.)

2.       ATM Withdrawals. (This is any cash you went and snagged out, the money is already gone and accounted for.)

3.       Highest dollar amount transaction.

4.       Second  highest dollar amount transaction.

5.       Third highest. (See the pattern here?)

Your paycheck goes in and all those bills start getting paid, oops you ran out of money because the bank covered your rent, car, groceries, utilities and such before paying those nine times you bought yourself a burger off the dollar menu for lunch or you splurged and got a Starbucks. This means that you just incurred nine fees of 35.00 each instead of one fee of 35.00 for your rent, or your car, or any one of the other things that would have covered you.

Canned response: “We process it this way to make sure that your important things are paid first, we don’t want your car getting repossessed or your rent check to bounce!” How nice of them! They paid the important things first. They couldn’t be bothered to cover your small shit first and then go ahead and spot you the last 30.00 on your rent and charge you the one fee? That’s correct.

Ultimately, the job became too much for me. The stress was impacting my health and happiness, it isn’t easy dealing with people screaming at you, getting bitched out by your boss for reversing too many fees or not referring enough products. This isn’t even mentioning the people who call you crying because their account is totally fucked and they can’t afford food for themselves, their pets, their children and you get to tell them “tough shit” because if Quality Assurance catches you reversing more fees or not offering up their bullshit canned responses they will report it to your boss. Then the person asks to speak to a manager or supervisor. Sure, let me put you on hold. Oh, did you think you were going to talk to someone with authority? Nope. You just got the “Team Supervisor” which isn’t actually a promotion, this guy/gal makes a little more money per hour to only take escalated calls, they can reverse slightly more fees than normal people can (we could only do a certain dollar amount) but they still have no real power.

In addition to all this I witnessed people working there who had been working for this company for decades and they were content to stay. They said they loved working for that company and it was so “great!” This is what ultimately drove me back to education, I wanted to make something of myself that was not a wage slave; gaining weight and having breakdowns from stress on my lunch breaks. (A co-worker of mine actually collapsed during one of his shifts from the stress and pressure placed on him by our boss.)

Next week I’ll talk about my journey into education and all the absurdly stupid things college kids say and do. I promise it will be funnier than this one! See you Friday.

Last time we talked about Total Recall which has a nice hard R rating and it got me thinking about movie ratings and how watered down everything has become. I won’t attempt to document the sordid rise of the MPAA, that is better left to the documentary “This Film Is Not Yet Rated” which is readily available on Netflix and an interesting watch. Yet, I will point out some of the glaring inconsistencies and just how much it has changed.

This summer saw the release of two really good R rated films in Prometheus and Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, both are excellent movies but what was surprising was what made them be R rated to begin with. Prometheus featured no sex, no foul language, not even excessive gore, it was rated R based upon one scene where the female heroine undergoes self surgery. It is brutal to watch to be sure, but is it any more brutal than what Hugh Jackman endures in the Wolverine film of a few years ago that netted a PG-13? On a brief side rant, the female heroine of Prometheus undergoing a surgery and then going on to do a lot of other shit is something I found incredibly compelling. In a world full of movies where men do all sorts of crazy shit to themselves and then “tough it out” this was a refreshing change, shame on anyone who complained that it was unbelievable for being a woman doing the same thing.

Anyhow, another example is that the first Lord of the Rings film, Fellowship of the Ring, upon first screening was rated R! However, after some editing it came down to PG-13, but when Jackson released his Extended Edition, which was in fact the R rated cut of the film, it was still PG-13. Hm, it’s almost like insane amounts of money can sway any decision.

Then a few years ago Spielberg “stepped in” to make sure Transformers got a PG-13 instead of an R according to this article: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/1648436/labeouf_says_mpaa_not_the_boss_of_spielberg_andquottransformersandquot_avoids_r_rating/

But what is so bad about R ratings? I am an adult and I like adult entertainment. Aside from shitty reality TV shows what are some of the most popular shows that you and your adult friends discuss? Well, let’s see: Dexter, Games of Thrones, True Blood, The Borgias, Spartacus, The Wire, Boardwalk Empire, Weeds, Sopranos, etc. Plenty of premium channel shows that feature plenty of sex, violence and vulgarity.

The MPAA morons and movie studios have come to believe that PG-13 means instant success just because dipshit teenagers can get into the films, but consider now this list of fucking AWESOME films that were rated R that we’re all still talking about and watching AND all made retard strength amounts of money:

The Matrix (Fucking ALL of them)

Saving Private Ryan

300

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Slumdog Millionare (Won tons of awards)

The Rock

Troy

The Godfather Trilogy

Blair Witch Project (I know, right? YOU SEE NOTHING.)

American Beauty

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Pulp Fiction

The list goes on and on and can is available for your viewing pleasure right here: http://www.boxofficemojo.com/alltime/domestic/mpaa.htm?page=R&p=.htm

Look at the Die Hard films, the first, second and third films were all Rated R and totally awesome. The last one was PG-13 and fucking terrible. I could link some relevant information right here to backup my argument that shows how the first three films earned more money and received higher critic reviews but if you’ve seen the films you already know this shit. So instead I’ll show you this youtube video of random Die Hard bits that someone edited together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVaAI9mc4R8

This is still back in the day where you could fucking smoke the bad guy and laugh about it.

Sure, PG and PG-13 still has its place, there are plenty of good PG-13 movies with oddly R rated material in them (Milla Jovovich’s bare “breasts” in The Fifth Element for example). (You know why “breasts” is in quotations, don’t lie.) Titanic comes to mind as well, not only do you see Kate Winslet nude but Billy Zane also slaps the taste out of her mouth.

But, turn your volume up and  check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmLP0QQPqFw

The best part is where Bruce mouth-hugs Quint so hard you hear his bones crack and blood comes gurgling out of his mouth.  Jaws was and still is rated PG. It’s broadcasted almost every single fucking holiday in the US on television, which is why when I think back to holidays spent with my family I usually think of eating Thanksgiving dinner or Fourth of July hot dogs while Quint gets fucking eaten alive and Bruce devours people. "Remember that Labor Day weekend that we went and ______?" Nope! But I can sing all the words to "Show Me The Way To Go Home" and I can tell you that we're going to need a bigger boat.

 On a side note, you know you’re part of the Jaws Generation when the thought of being in the ocean in the water makes you want to throw up. Not sure if you are part of the Jaws Generation that has an illogically debilitating fear of sharks? Go swim in a pool at night with the lights in the pool off and let me know if you’re totally fine doing that. If not, you probably saw Jaws as a kid.

Also, when I went to look up the scene of Quint I stumbled over this youtube gem that someone decided to make that is nearly as obscure as the Total Recall/David Bowie video of last week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjgDzzJebwQ

Some dude was listening to his shitty metal band and browsing his DVDs when suddenly it hit him: “Holy shit bro, as soon as I finish this Modern Warfare map I’m going to edit in some metal over Quint getting eaten in Jaws. That scene is so extreme I’m popping a Broner™ in my pants right now, after I make the video I’ll have to fistbump my Broner™ over how sweet this shit is.”

Well, that’s what I got for this week folks, see you next week when I discuss something interesting.

Total Old Man Recall

It finally happened. I woke up old. Enough time has passed in my life that I can say things like “15 years ago they’d never put this in a movie!” and “Movies just aren’t what they used to be." I can say things like that about virtually anything, but today I want to talk to you about movies and a few things I’ve noticed.

Let me set the scene for this revelation. There I am, relaxing on my bed with my wife and my dog, a few days prior while browsing recently released movies on Xbox we saw the Total Recall remake had just come out. Christiana (my wife) was unsure if she had seen the original or not. Even after pantomiming the guy’s gross mutant chest baby with its icky articulate hands going “Quaaaaaaid, open your miiiiiiind!” it still wasn’t ringing any bells. So we got it and fired it up. It was during this film that it really struck me how much movies have changed since I was a kid.

First of all, it was released in 1990 and was directed by Paul Verhoeven and stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sharon Stone and Michael Ironside.  Verhoeven went on to do the B-Movie masterpiece that is Starship Troopers, Stone went on to expose her vulva to millions of moviegoers, Schwarzenegger became a governor and Ironside was the 2^nd best Captain of the Seaquest for a few seasons before he became Sam Fisher in the Splinter Cell series.

Now, 1990 doesn’t seem THAT long ago, to me anyway but like I said at the start I am old now. A few scenes stand out because of how outlandish they seem to me now. First off, the film is rated R. This was back in the day when R rated films actually came out in theaters without a ton of complaints from the movie studio. The reason for this R rating is a scene featuring a mutant prostitute with three breasts, lots of violence, and lots of profanity. And I don’t mean the villain or supporting cast kind. I mean the protagonist of the film responds to snarky comments from the film’s arch villain by saying “fuck you.” Those were the days.

There are obvious things wrong with the film, cheesy acting, bad fight scenes and the like, but what really grabbed me was a scene in which Sharon Stone’s character, who was pretending to be Quaid’s (Schwarzenegger) wife confronts him on Mars. She is an evil bitch now and after Quaid’s new girl pulls her hair and throws her around a bunch, she finds herself staring down the barrel of Quaid’s crappy looking futuristic pistol. She makes one last appeal to his sensibilities before the hero of the film executes an unarmed and defeated woman. Wait, it gets better.

See, this was back in the day when movie protagonists were dicks and everybody loved it. After executing his wife he quips “consider this a divorce!” Audiences in 1990 might have chuckled, cried or pissed their pants from that knee slapper, but nowadays killing your wife in a movie seems to be a really, really bad thing. It got me thinking, when was the last time I saw a guy shoot his wife in a movie and it was a good thing? I can’t really recall. (GET IT? I CAN’T RECALL.)

But it isn’t just this isolated case, there is an overtly racist black cab driver that turns out to be A. an asshole, B. a lying traitor and C. a mutant. All of these things in one black character are a little much, but he gets his when Quaid drives a futuristic drill into him while screaming “screw you!” Puns! Heyoo!

This was also the time when villains weren’t just villains, but they were total assholes that had to suffer and the audience wanted to see it happen. Throughout the film Michael Ironside is running around being his usual bad ass self and doing awesome things like casually strolling up and kneeing people over while they are checking the welfare of others. (I couldn’t find a clip of this scene on youtube but I assure you, it is worth watching the film for.) Later, Ironside’s character, Richter, and his boss are rubbing it in Quaid’s face about how they are going to wipe his mind and turn him back into a bad dude so they can have a party later that night where they don’t have sex with Sharon Stone. (Apparently someone shot her in the head or something.)  Just wait, this is relevant in a second. So he breaks free and sets off to do some heroic shit that Cohagen, Ironside’s boss and main villain, doesn’t want him to do. Ironside and Arnold have a fight on an elevator, after a little tumbling around Ironside ends up dangling over the side. But our hero notices that there is a ceiling approaching and pulls Ironside back up onto the elevator just enough for his arms to be cut off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URucvvcuItE (Skip to 2:30)

After having his arms severed he presumably falls to a gruesome death. Arnold throws his arms after him and yells “See you at the party, Richter!” Comedy gold, right?

Some other stuff happens and then the main villain of the film is hanging on for his life, after getting shot 5-6 times, because he doesn’t want to be sucked out on to the surface of Mars. You see, when you end up on the surface of Mars your face bulges and your eyes pop out of your head, it’s horrible to watch and I’d imagine pretty shitty to go through. So Quaid, our asshole hero, is also trying to avoid eyeball sucking out is pulling himself along to reach the final alien contraption that saves the day... but not before he makes a brief stop to grab Cohagen’s hand and pull it off the perch he had found so that he gets sucked out. The camera follows Cohagen’s journey down a tunnel and out onto the surface of Mars where we get to watch his eyes begin to bulge. The action goes back to Arnold, reaching and straining for the iconic THING that will save everyone, almost there… yay he reached it! The machine rumbles to life and the process of saving everyone begins very slowly, but wait… remember that asshole villain? Let’s see how he is fairing. Yes, the film cuts BACK to Cohagen getting his eyes sucked out, he is looking worse now and screaming a whole bunch. It’s pretty awesome. Then it goes back to show the oxygen being released that will save everyone, but oh no, Quaid and his accomplice-mistress get sucked out too. We see them falling onto the surface and oh no, eye bulging and sucking time for them!

But first, let’s just check in one final time with Cohagen, in case you forgot, he’s an asshole that got shot and then thrown to one of the worst possible deaths anyone could have in a movie about space.

For reference, here is a clip of the scene from someone who found it funny to dub in David Bowie’s “Life on Mars.” Hilarious… I guess. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9aggVa_Js8

His eyes full on explode out of his head and all sorts of over the top details are thrown in. Nowadays, most of the time when the villain is about to die gruesome death #593 the hero will either A. try to save them or B. look away disgusted. You know what I am talking about; the villain is screaming bloody murder and the hero turns away repulsed. “ugh god, I can’t watch this, it’s SO icky, ugh jesus…. Hngh…. Hngh…. Hngh…” (Hngh is the international spelling for “dry heave.”)

I don’t mean to pick on Total Recall so much; I like the movie despite all the stupid things in it. (Like the scene where Ironside jumps out of a glass window that is approximately one foot from a swinging door.)

But it brings me to another point, movie ratings! First of all, well, perhaps that is enough for this week’s blog. Next week I’ll tackle movie ratings and go over some that just might shock you. See you then!

Future of Gaming is... Integration?

So recently a video was leaked from Microsoft giving a hint of what they intend for the future as far as Gaming is concerned on your PC. Take a look at the brief video.




I think more integration in the style that this video shows off is a really excellent idea. Let me tell you why, try to stay with me, I may get a little thick because I'm bored waiting for class.

When I sign on to my 360 it is awesome to have Facebook, Netflix and other services right there to use anytime, and since getting a brand new computer with Windows 7 I'm a very happy customer of both products. (Some of you may not be, but this is the realm of personal preference and opinion.)

I thought ESPN was going to be stupid but after using it I kind of like it, I am by no means a sports nut but I like hockey and boxing, I especially like being to pull it up whenever I want and watch a Lightning game or highlights of the Kings - Bruins match so I can trash talk a friend of mine who is a big Kings fan.

I've even kind of been wanting a Windows phone but alas they're on AT&T and Sprint who both blow. My point though is when you have one product by a company that you're happy with, a natural progression is cross sell your own customers. Any GOOD business these days is doing just that. Gone are the days of one product per customer.

Apple does this... get an iPod which works great with iTunes! You just bought two products, even though you may not pay for iTunes, let's assume you use it without making any purchases, you're still using their product and while in your use an inherent monetary value is ascribed to you using it for the company. Your bank even does this, get a checking account AND a savings account AND a credit card AND Identity Theft Protection. If you bank with Wells Fargo you're especially battered by sales when you call in to get your balance, BoA by contrast is a little more subtle, but again I'm straying off topic. You get it, cross-selling.
I've even tried using Windows Media Player again after years of hating it with a passion, but to be honest, once you set it up, it works like a champion and isn't half as annoying as Winamp can sometimes be or as clunky as iTunes.

It is just a natural progression, and personally after being very happy with my 360, now my Windows 7 PC, I think this WGX has the potential to be a great thing. Consider how much Steam has revolutionized PC gaming. Steam dominates almost the ENTIRE market for digital distribution of games. Now if you've used Steam you probably already know how ridiculously awesome it is. You have everything in one place, literally you can launch any game you currently own, or even previously owned (if purchased through Steam) and play it anytime. Add to the fact that they have plenty of demos up and have really GOOD deals and discounts going ALL the time and you've got a business model for success.

Now, give me something similar that perhaps is Microsoft based but ALSO integrates with my 360 and I'll jump on board in a heartbeat. I was already pretty impressed when I was able to play Bizarre Creations' (R.I.P., Activision you bastards!) Blur and post to my Facebook from inside the game after having a particularly awesome race. EA and Criterion expanded on this kind of idea with IN game leaderboards and commenting/sharing with NFS: Hot Pursuit, but I'll spare you that rant. The point is that the integration brings a new aspect to the game, it has the potential to create a METAGAME, and if there is anything gamers like, I can tell you, is having their actions have an effect, even if slight, on something larger than themselves. MMO's prove that. (Even though most MMO's currently out and on top completely disregard and ignore this side of the audience's wants, but that is another blog.)

Windows Live has already had an impact on 360 slightly, you can replay some games on your PC and have it contribute to your 360 gamerscore, two Arkham Asylum playthroughs for example, you'll get credit for both. Same can be said for Warhammer 40k and other titles.

If Microsoft plays their cards right and really capitalizes on the already established partnerships they have currently with Netflix, ESPN (which is owned by Disney and is another potential money market all in its own, but we'll see if that happens in the years to come), Facebook, Last.FM, Twitter, and Microsoft's own Zune line of digital distribution for Music and Movies, then you could end up with a seamless experience from 360 to PC. (Considering also that using the BING toolbar can earn you Microsoft Points)
After setting my 360 up on my home network it is already capable of streaming music, video and pictures from my computer to television. If my wife's PC wasn't already hooked up to our 50" Plasma it would be way more awesome, but still it is pretty damn cool.

Zynga's success with Farmville and other titles is pretty crazy. Last I checked they earn about a million dollars a day. Their success is pretty evident just using simple browser based games. Now consider if you start using your avatar with it and it becomes a 3D game, you just opened up a whole new avenue of gaming. Free little games that you can check maybe once or twice a day. Think about a Risk style game where you can check your war progress twice a day, once from your PC while at work and then once on your 360 when you get home, how sweet would that be? Especially considering social aspects such as making alliances with friends and playing such a thing multiplayer. Ad revenue combined with micro transactions would make such a venture enormous. Zygna's success has even sparked EA to start making browser based games, though if you think about it EA was doing that for years before Zygna just with things like Pogo.com I mean I've played Farmville and Mafia Wars extensively. Is the gameplay deep? Absolutely not. Is it fun? Sometimes it sure as hell is. It draws you in with the sense of accomplishment, often times in our lives we don't have a lot of control over what we do, so to be able to jump on Facebook, check what your family and friends are up to, and then harvest your crops and then plant some more cotton until tomorrow is pretty rewarding.

Ultimately, alot of people are going to say that WGX is going to fail hard, personally I am optimistic and think it could be a great thing. Not just for Microsoft as a company, but for us as gamers and non-gamers alike.